Allison Krauss - It Doesn't Matter

It doesn't matter what I want
It doesn't matter what I need
It doesn't matter if I cry
Don't matter if I bleed
You've been on a road
Don't know where it goes or where it leads
It doesn't matter what I want
It doesn't matter what I need
If you've made up your mind to go
I won't beg you to stay
You've been in a cage
Throw you to the wind you fly away
It doesn't matter what I want
It doesn't matter what I need
It doesn't matter if I cry
Doesn't matter if I bleed
Feel the sting of tears
Falling on this face you've loved for years

Where is my mind?

I've lost the relief I once obtained from blogging.  A real tragedy.

I used to feel the weight lift off my chest with every letter I'd type. The heavy burden that maimed my heart dissipating as my thoughts poured on the empty screen.

Have I fallen so far that what once was uplifting has become nothing more than another obstacle to overcome?

It surely feels so.

It's sickening to think it's been 4 months today since I last saw you and my feelings still remain. I was reminded today of how much you meant at one point. My roommate went through my photos and saw what you drew for me. It all came rushing back.


Went from being "your rolypoly (pillbug)" to being lesser than a friend. A year thrust aside, but why? Even if your feelings faded--how come I and my brother, one of your close friends, no longer matter?

I hold no resentment, I just want to how/why this happened.

I have the worst damn luck.

once said, always said.

Hmm..

I don't understand how some people don't like to read.  My roommate and I were discussing some classic works we were required to read in high school such as The Great Gatsby, Lord of The Flies, The Yellow Wallpaper, Harrison Bergeron, The Most Dangerous Game, Of Mice and Men, and Catcher in The Rye. During our discussion, majority of those who joined in (friends) had no recollection of such books or disliked every such work.  I found this quite shocking, but I suppose everyone is different.

But how, HOW can one not enjoy reading? I'm dying to read something, anything other than one of my textbooks. It's been forever since I've read a "real" novel. After talking with my roommate, I'm a bit nostalgic for the days of high school--I used to read 2-3 books a week (recreational).

Thankfully, I may relive some of those memories soon. I found a $25 gift card my dad gave me a while back that I can use to buy a few books--I'd like to buy a couple of the works I read in high school.

I was thinking Catcher in The Rye and What's Eating Gilbert Grape. It's been quite some time since I've read either of these. In addition, there are quite a few Hunter S. Thompson and Kurt Vonnegut novels that I've wanted to read for some time that I've yet to purchase.

Besides those novels, I need to tackle something different--but I have no idea where to start.

Suggestions?

I shouldn't have to cry on my birthday

I love my Mom to death and I am very thankful to have her in my life...
She, without a doubt, raised my brother and I to the best of her ability, especially being a single parent since I was 3.  She has been there for us through thick and thin...
BUT

was what just happened really necessary?

Can I talk to my father on the phone without having to be guilt tripped?

I can't help that he wanted to hear from me on my Birthday.
I can't help that I haven't talked to him in a little while, so our conversation was longer than expected.
I can't help that I love him just as much as I love her, so why do I get punished for it?

Dad text me to ask how things were going and what I wanted for my birthday.

I miss him very much, more than I’d expect. I know I’m almost 22 and my weekend visitations would’ve subsided once I turned 18.. but it still sucks to not have him here in Kentucky.
You know what I want for my birthday day? To get to see you. Twice a year isn’t enough.

Article

http://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2011/09/refusing-to-kill-daughter-pakistani-family-defies-tradition-draws-anger/245691/



This disgusts me. I'm glad her family is standing by her side.