People are frustrating

I feel great.

My heart is lighter,
my head, a little higher.

I feel more like myself, now that I'm engaging int some volunteer work again. I haven't had the chance to do so in years. I've donated money and items to the tornado victims, I've volunteered twice at a clinic that has opened it's doors to misplaced animals from the tornado disaster, and soon I'll have a chance to travel to Costa Rica and Nicaragua in an effort to provide veterinary medicine to animals in need--primarily spay/neuter to reduce the over population and animal health risks.

One step closer to healing.

Sleeper 1972

When my dad died the worms ate out both his eyes.
His soul flew right up in the sky and I cried myself to sleep.

My mother lies alone on her back at night.
Adding up hours till her demise, she counts herself to sleep.

When my sister finds my body closed up like the blinds,
I tell her I promise its fine, but she cries herself to sleep.

The men in black ties arrive at the house in surprise.
To find a little girl by your side in the wood box where you're sleeping.

I still see you inside of this God-awful house
You move awfully quiet now
And I still feel you everywhere
You told me this has always been worth living,
But what's really worth living anymore?

Is this what has become of me? A constant reminder of my own fears? You are a product of your environment, it shapes you--molds you of the past and present. The mold is cracked, smoldering. Weak and crumbling--used and barren.

I feel desolate, dark....crestfallen. Having only the faintest flutter of a heartbeat. Shallow breathing, streaks glisten on my face. Strapped bare in the confines of my own mind. A slew of old memories always unfolding, a constant reminder of the ever lingering silence of my present loneliness.

I feel I'm searching for a fruitless nectar. That which I wish to obtain, again, is far from reach--forever from reach. I once thought it was unfathomable to fully grasp the loss, but I feel it's full weight now. Nights like this, when thoughts flood; can't help but aware myself that things are not what they once were and never will be.

I'd give anything to quell this feeling...

Boy you've got a beautiful taste...

It's sickening to think it's been 4 months today since I last saw you and my feelings still remain. I was reminded today of how much you meant at one point. My roommate went through my photos and saw what you drew for me. It all came rushing back.


Went from being "your rolypoly (pillbug)" to being lesser than a friend. A year thrust aside, but why? Even if your feelings faded--how come I and my brother, one of your close friends, no longer matter?

I hold no resentment, I just want to how/why this happened.

I'm so tired.