Why?

I have never hated parting with someone so much as I do with him.

Never in my life have I felt such sorrow upon a happy goodbye. Normally, saying goodbye is awkward or nothing for me. I usually only get sad if it were a break up or after a fight or something. However, with him... any and every goodbye hurts.

I am not sure if I am just this attached or if it is something different. I've felt it since our second official date.

It's as if I'm having something taken from me. Like I've left something behind. My only reconciliation is knowing it is simply temporary.

Until now, I have never experienced "missing someone so much that it hurts". I thought I had... I mean I have in those who have passed on.... but not with the living.

To miss someone when they're with you...knowing at some point they must go. To hate separating so much it makes your heart ache, even to the point of years.

What does this mean? Am I broken? Dependent?  In love? Wanting something, thus I ache more over that which could have been but will never be because they're now gone? Are we Soulmates?

Maybe the latter,  if you believe in that kind of thing. Makes me think of a Nicholas Sparks quote...

"The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected. Maybe they always have been and will be. Maybe we've lived a thousand lives before this one and in each of them we've found each other. And maybe each time, we've been forced apart for the same reasons. That means that this goodbye is both a goodbye for the past ten thousand years and a prelude to what will come."

Seems pretty fitting. Though, I am getting a little ahead of myself. I am merely just questioning why I ache so much from our goodbyes...it is so unusual for me.

I feel that parting hurts because I have never felt so comfortable with a guy. I have never opened up tonsgguy who wasn't willing to manipulate me using the newly gained knowledge. I have let my guard down in many areas that I have NEVER have before. I have a level of trust and mutual respect with him that I have been yearning for for years. He is the type of friend and lover that I have never had but always wanted. It allows me to feel a sense of completeness because I have searched so long for someone to prove to me that it is okay to just be me. No apologies needed.

So, maybe that's why. He is what I have needed for a long time and.because of that, I have been able to allow myself to experience new things. To improve myself. To help myself get back to the me in used to be. I have, for the first time ever, a partner who is supportive but also desires to know everything about me. It makes me feel significant. He has given me value that I have not felt in years.

I guess saying goodbye leaves me with the fear that my value could slip away just as easily as he does.